Skip to main content

Frozen (2010) - Adam Green


Frozen... well they can't all be winners now can they. I know that Frozen isn't a horror movie per se, but it was in the horror section on Netflix so I am going to stick to my guns on this one. Frozen tells the tale of three friends that go on a skiing trip together. Its all fun and games until they are stranded on the ski lift. To make matters worse they are stuck there for like a week. To make matters worse-worse they get caught in a blizzard. To make matters worse-worse-worse there are blood thirsty wolves waiting to eat them below the lift. To make matters worse-worse-worse-worse they start to freeze to death. To make matters worse-worse-worse-worse-worse the girl that tagged along has.. to.. pee!

See how annoying that was to read? Well picture it on the screen and you have seen Frozen. The acting isn't very bad, then again how hard can it be to sit in one place for an hour and a half. I hate this movie just for the fact that it is a one-upper movie. The entire time the situation just keeps getting worse (did I mention that?). It becomes comedic in fact. During the movie I stopped considering that these people were in danger and just started getting angry at the way they go about everything. They don't do anything that a normal person stuck in that situation would do. It is stupid.

Lets talk about the scary parts of the movie, well actually we can just talk about the lack there of. There is nothing in this movie that is even remotely scary. This isn't a horror movie, its thriller and suspense. Watching this movie is just about as entertaining as watching Open Water. Remember that one? At least in that one you couldn't see below you. In this one you can see everything. When it was all over the only thing I could think was "Who Cares?"

The lack of scariness and sunken storyline really make this movie a horrible addition to the list of horror movies I've watched. If you want to check this movie out I'd suggest paring it with Open Water and The Happening. Yup... those are the movies I recommend if you like what's going on in Frozen. I can safely give this film an easy 1 out of 10. Just skip over it and find something else. You have the power to do it!

I gotta pee

S!D
  • Dee Snider (Lead singer of Twisted Sister) had a cameo in the movie as a voice saying "The last chair is through" he was also in the horror movie Strangeland.
  • Horror icon Kane Hodder (the best Jason Voorhees) makes an appearance in the film as Cody.
  • Every character is named after someone the director knows. Aww isn't that sweet.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Ju-On (2000) - Takashi Shimizu

Watching Japanese horror is similar to watching British comedy. If you enjoy dry whit then you probably enjoy the boys of Monty Python in drag. That's the joke, they're dressed like women. Get it? Well, that's British humor. But if you're like most Americans you probably prefer Adam Sandler farting his way across a football field and hooking up with chicks that are way out of his league. Americans usually prefer this more in your face, crass brand of humor. My point is funny in England is different from funny in the US. The same goes for J-Horror. What the Japanese consider scary is very different from what Americans consider scary and it shows in this horror film. Japanese horror is generally slow (a little too slow sometimes), suspenseful and creepy. Ju-On is a creepy effing film. The movie has almost no soundtrack. It is incredibly suspenseful and the pay-offs are pretty awesome, but I think that it was done better in the American version (cultural t...

Humanoids From the Deep (1980) - Barbara Peeters and Jimmy T. Murakami

This is your standard old drive-in Creature Feature that has tons of gore and boobs. It's great if your in for a cheap thrill. This film goes right up along side any Roger Corman produced picture from the eighties. It's rumored that Joe Dante was approached to direct this movie but he turned it down. Humanoids from the Deep, also known as Monster, is a strange but forgettable piece of exploitation that failed to make it's notch in history. Don't let that detour you though. This is a really fun little film that doesn't fail to be entertaining.  A small sea town in California is terrorized by some mutated creatures from the deep. They look like some sort of mutated fish, merman-thing. They seem to have one goal in mind and that is raping and impregnating the females of the town. Also the town is being taken for a ride by a shifty businessman and his new corporate cannery. Could this evil cannery corporation be responsible for the Extreme Creatures of the B...

Escape From Tomorrow (2013) - Randy Moore

This review may contain spoilers. An American independent horror movie from filmmaker Randy Moore. It stars Roy Abramsohn, Elena Schuber, Katelynn Rodriguez, Jack Dalton, Annet Mahendru, and Alison Lees-Taylor. It premiered at the official selection of Roger Ebert, at the Sundance Film Festival on January 18th, 2013. Synopsis Jim is a depressed middle-aged man that despises his family life but wants to try to hold it together for a vacation to the Walt Disney World Resort. Jim receives a call before they leave and, unfortunately, Jim has lost his job as well. It proves too much to handle as this trip to the Magic Kingdom becomes a hellish nightmare. Jim’s mind cracks as we watch him deal with Disney’s seedy underbelly. Complete with elaborate corporate conspiracy, undercover sex workers, and demons. Oh and two very young French girls that Jim lusts over. It’s gross. Analysis The acting is amateurish. It’s nothing that’s going to win any awards or anything. The wri...