House of the Dead (2003)

House of the Dead (2003) - Uwe Boll

Uwe Boll is the new Ed Wood, he has to be. No one has any idea how this guy keeps making movies, but he troops on. Pumping out crap fests like Alone in the Dark, Dungeon Siege, and of course House of the Dead. The latter is what we just watched and i am going to have to say, I loved it. This really is a terrible movie, but its great to invite a few friends over and really have fun drinking and making fun of it, ala mst3k.

The film is a Zombie horror movie starring a bunch of nobodies and Erica Durance, who would later go on to play Lois Lane in Smallville. What we have here is a bunch of 20 somethings that are on their way to a rave on a remote island, they hire a seedy sea captain named Kirk, to transport them. When they get to the island however, well, i cant ruin it for you but let me tell you... its hilarious.

So there are a ton of things in this movie to keep you watching, like terribly delivered lines, horrible acting, barely any continuity, and of course blatantly stolen scenes from other movies. I'm not kidding about the last part, most of the scenes that they steal are from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I cant actually believe that this movie made 1 million over their budget at the theaters. I am going to have to give this craptastic film 1/10 for being mildly funny but not scary whatsoever.

See it with friends

Sid

Comments

The Human Monster (1939) - Walter Summers

Bela Lugosi turns in a fantastic performance. It is right on par with the exact same films that had made him famous like Dracula . My personal favorite being The Black Cat . Like the latter, this film suffered from poor circulation and lack of advertisement. Either that or the public wasn't interested in seeing Lugosi in anything else other than his famous bloodsucker. This film has a broad and well acted plot that was rich with detail. Lugosi has two sides in this picture. His well loved and compassionate side. The other is a strict, brutal lone shark that acts as a sinister villain to blind and handicapped people. He really brutalizes his victims. It's a macabre message to pay your bills. The film is slow moving and plagued by the usual setbacks from its time. Most of the nation wasn't really that concerned with horror at the time. But studios knew that they would always have an audience. This film is a prime example of that. It's sad because it's

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Ju-On (2000) - Takashi Shimizu

Watching Japanese horror is similar to watching British comedy. If you enjoy dry whit then you probably enjoy the boys of Monty Python in drag. That's the joke, they're dressed like women. Get it? Well, that's British humor. But if you're like most Americans you probably prefer Adam Sandler farting his way across a football field and hooking up with chicks that are way out of his league. Americans usually prefer this more in your face, crass brand of humor. My point is funny in England is different from funny in the US. The same goes for J-Horror. What the Japanese consider scary is very different from what Americans consider scary and it shows in this horror film. Japanese horror is generally slow (a little too slow sometimes), suspenseful and creepy. Ju-On is a creepy effing film. The movie has almost no soundtrack. It is incredibly suspenseful and the pay-offs are pretty awesome, but I think that it was done better in the American version (cultural t

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Inseminoid (1981) - Norman J. Warren

What can be said for mindless schlock pictures like this one. They were pumped out in droves during the eighties. Inseminoid !? give me a break! It sounds like some pre-pubescent teenage boys came up with the title. On the plus side the movie isn't horrible to look at and it has a decent amount of gore. If you can separate yourself from the political incorrectness, then you might have a perfectly decent Sci-Fi Monster Feature. A research team exploring caves on Jupiter accidentally awakens an ancient alien that rapes and impregnates one of the team members. She suffers from terrible shock and trauma, leading to a complete mental breakdown as her pregnancy accelerates faster and faster. Feeling threatened she decides to kill anyone she deems a threat. Can the rest of the research team survive or will they all become victims of INSEMINOID! Apparently this movie had a million dollar budget. That's really shocking considering the outcome of the picture. The acting

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