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Sunday, October 03, 2010

Return to Horror High (1987) - Bill Froehlich

October 3rd, 2010
Return to Horror High is a Horror/Comedy movie that doesn't succeed at anything its trying to do. The movie is a complete failure all the way from the beginning to the end. The film "stars" George Clooney despite the fact that he is only in five minuets of it, and Maureen McCormick who you know as Marsha Brady from the original Brady Bunch who plays a horny young police officer. Both actors give the worst performances of their careers, its terribly pathetic. All in all this movie was a car wreck that lasted all of an hour and thirty five minuets.

The plot is incredibly confusing and it weaves in and out of the old movie-in-a-movie gimmick with a film crew that decides to film at a high-school. The high-school has a weird past where people were murdered by someone that may still be on the loose. I don't really know. Its really hard to follow and it doesn't make much sense.

The movie does however have one of the crappiest sex scenes I have ever seen. First both the guy and gal are hideous, they just shouldn't be intimate. Ever. Second during the sex scene they flash back and forth between "heavy petting" and a bunch of steel workers welding. It literally goes back and forth from sex to welding for like three minuets. Its really weird and off putting that these sweaty fat steel workers are included in the scene.

Overall this movie is incredibly confusing, it has horrible overacting, the killer looks like a linebacker in a shitty mask, and it has the worst ending I have ever seen. I am going to give Return to Horror High a 1 of 10. I suppose that it tried, but it didn't try very hard. I feel bad that Clooney has to have his name attached to this turd for the rest of his career. I am sure that he regrets being in it and I know that I regret seeing it.

I always end these things with some quotes and I actually have 2 from the movie that I like.
"Kastleman! You Honky!" and "You want some of this? You want it in the ear!?"

  •    It made a whopping $198,000.00 its opening weekend
  •    The ending credits read:
The End... Or is it?

1 comments:

chrispetersen25 said...

This one sounds terrible and just about as bad as The Pumpkin Karver, which I watched (or rather laughed repeatedly at to the point where I had no idea what was going on). Maybe that would be a good one to review/trash if you can make it through it.